Shadow in the Dark
by shematite
Summary: Based on the manga/season zero. I am lost in my own mind. Yami no Yuugi's POV.
1. Chapter 1

I clicked the last piece of the puzzle in place. I took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh that did nothing to convey the immense rush of joy I felt in that moment. Above all, I felt _free_. The stress of recent events, the fear, melted away. I knew how to deal with the problem, now.

The bully was different, I had to give him that. He didn't think of himself as a bully. However, there was no escape for him from the Shadow Game that revealed his greed. I felt immensely powerful. The dark knowledge and power of the puzzle was mine, now. I could do anything. The judgement of evil was in my hands.

The next day at school I felt tired of course, thanks to being up most of the night. I pretended not to know what had happened to Ushio-san, just like everyone else. After all, I didn't need to explain to everyone that I was a master of Shadow Games.

My wish was granted. It felt wonderful to have friends, especially such wonderful friends like Anzu and Jounochi.

I will never forget the first time I realized...

Some time had passed since I had solved the puzzle. Everyday I grew more confident in my ability and knowledge in dealing out judgement to the wicked. No longer was I a target. No longer was I weak. In fact, with the Shadow Games I could protect my new-found friends. However, normal life also had its duties. I was sitting at my desk, working on my math homework. I had solved the problem I was on, but my hand held the pencil loosely as I stared blankly at the page. It was odd, but I didn't think anything of it until I heard myself speak out loud.

"I wonder why I can't remember."

Why was I saying that? There wasn't anything I couldn't remember. Nothing important, anyway. I could remember how to do the math problem in front of me...but I couldn't get my hand to write down the answer.

"That time at the restaurant, and when the library shelves tipped over on me. Why can't I remember?"

I threw my will into writing down the answer to the math problem, and I saw my fingers slightly twitch. _What's going on!? _Unreasoning terror gripped me, yet my heart didn't pound, my blood didn't run cold, and my mouth didn't open to scream. I retreated to the back of my mind, my conciousness trembling. It was then, in that horrific moment, that I realized that my mind was not my own. These eyes that I was seeing through were not entirely mine. There was someone else with me. Someone who knew nothing that I knew.

I fled.

There was a division. I hadn't noticed it before, but now I hid behind the wall that sliced through my mind. It was dark there, and cold, but I could think and feel. The fear I felt overwhelmed me, the darkness and shadow reached out to drown me. Through my anguish, I could hear my grandpa calling me to dinner.

My grandpa? Me?

In all of my shared mind's memories, I had never felt so alone.

I hid in that room for as long as I could, agonizing lonliness paralizing me. It was during that time that I realized that I was nothing more than a watcher. The body I thought was mine behaved exactly as it always did, even though I tried everything I could do make it do what I wanted, which was lock myself in my room and never leave. Even without me, my body went to school and played with my friends and laughed and smiled and joked. My life was not mine. My closest friends had no idea I existed. I could not scream. The deep, endless dark claimed more of me.

As the days passed, I sank deeper into an agonizing apathy. If could only make myself not care, if this cold, unfeeling shadow would simply drag me into oblivion, then it wouldn't hurt anymore. Fate moves forward, however, whether we will it to or not. There came the day when a man entered my mind.

I froze, watching him as I watched everything else. He carefully walked down the narrow space between me and the one who was not me, his eyes cautious yet curious. For a moment, he looked into the other side of my mind, the side I had thought was mine, what seemed like an eternity ago. Then, he turned toward the door I had shut. I knew I had to do something. A faint memory of freedom and might returned to me like a breath, and I opened the door.

"Looks like I have a visitor," I said with a smile, remembering my mission. "If you are brave enough, why don't you come in? The game is already in place."

_I_ had a visitor. "Welcome to my mind's room." He hesitated, obviously nervous. "What, scared?"

He stepped in, and a small amount of light entered the room. I resisted the urge to look around, instead focusing on the strange man. "I don't know what sort of power you have, to be able to come here," I said. "How did you do it?" _How did someone find me?_

"I am unexpected, then? I suppose I must answer out of courtesy," he said quietly. He told me of how he wanted to know of the Millenium Puzzle's power, and how he had two items of his own, one of which allowed him to enter other's mind rooms. As he spoke of things ancient and powerful, I felt a thrill run through me. I let my eyes wander to the walls of my room, which were covered in ancient egyptian hieroglyphs.

"You have a key," I repeated. "But why enter my mind?"

"To find the power of the Millenium Puzzle."

I challenged him to a Shadow Game to see if he could find the real room in my mind. After all, as I had hidden in there in the darkness, I had never found my real sanctuary, my real mind. In the cold shadows, the depression I had sunk into had convoluted me. I was a maze. I was lost in my own mind.

As much as I longed for the man to help me find myself, he lost the Shadow Game and left my mind to myself again. However, I was not left in darkness. I watched the man through the eyes which were not my eyes as he stood pale and trembling.

"I owe you a great debt," he said.

"In my debt for what?" the one who was not me asked.

"I owe a great debt to the other you."

While the one who was not me laughed at the idea of there being another one of him, I sat quietly. A burning light rushed through me, and I felt an awful, heart-clenching hope appear. Someone knew about me. I existed.


	2. Death Theme

Hurray for alternative character interpretations! XD I thrive on them. Anyways, since I didn't put anything at the beginning of the story, I figured I should say something here, since apparently that's what you do on fanfiction dot net.

I listened to the song Angel of Darkness while writing this chapter. Good times and all that. Go look it up or something.

Thank you, **Neonn**, for beta-ing!

I guess this chapter is dedicated to my good friend Jake, for being the first person ever to recommend that I watch Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged. Among other firsts.

* * *

Existence was hard, but I had to keep going. There was still evil in the world, still selfish people who hurt others. I still wanted to protect my friends. Yes, I knew that they weren't really my friends, they were the friends of the other me, but I still cared for them. I didn't want them to get hurt.

Time is a very strange thing. It moves fast when you want it to move slow, and moves fast when you wish it would stop. Mist and darkness surrounded me as I watched my other self, only to have flashes of sunlight when I surfaced. I began to notice the patterns, began to see that I was in control whenever I (He?) became so angry or afraid that he (I?) couldn't think anymore.

With my new awareness that he and I were separate, I began to wonder. If I wasn't Yuugi Mutou, then who was I? I began searching, sorting through my (his? our?) memories for clues. I remembered something about multiple personalities, how someone's mind could split to psychologically protect him. I had to acknowledge that it was a possibility.

There was, however, something else that could have been happening. Didn't my new power, my strength, come when I finished the puzzle? My other self didn't seem to know that he, that we, had the power of the Shadow Games. The inscription on the box said that whoever solved the puzzle would receive dark knowledge and power.

Was I that darkness?

During that time, I think I even grew a little fond of my other self. He was innocent and kind, never wishing harm for anyone. I thought of the other inscription, that the one who solved the puzzle would have his wish granted. In my memories, my other self had never had any close friends. Now, we were surrounded by smiles, easy jokes, and a rough yet comfortable warmth. I realized that though I may be powerful, though I help them and save them, I didn't grant his wish. Whether he won these friends himself, or whether it was some outside force that brought them together, I had nothing to do with it. As strongly as I felt about them, the people closest to me, my friends, my other self, didn't know about me.

I watched.

And I protected.

I stretched myself, seeing how much I could influence this body and my other self. When he was vulnerable, when he was afraid or angry or hurt, I could get him to listen to me, make my thoughts heard. I could point solutions out to him. I wasn't sure if he could tell I was there, or if he just thought they were his own thoughts. Either way, I was beginning to grow more used to things, beginning to accept my place. I was powerful, yes, but not in the ways I wanted to be. The best I could do was protect those I cared about, even if they never knew I was there.

There was a boy. His soul felt familiar, steeped in greed and malice, pierced with loneliness and selfishness. I used the darkness of the Shadow Games against him, of course, and thought little more of it. His mind and heart were stronger than I supposed, however, and became consumed with vengeance. This boy, Kaiba, was also shockingly perceptive. Having only seen me once, he instinctively seemed to know the differences between my other self and I. He sought revenge for the Shadow Game not on Yuugi, but on the other Yuugi.

I felt our heart pound as my other self realized that Grandpa was in danger. He was confused, not being able to remember what had happened to make Kaiba hate him so much. I did my best to help him, telling him the answers to the traps and obstacles placed in our way. In my own mind, I began to plot what I would do to Kaiba. The evil in him was stronger than I first suspected, so I was going to have to take drastic measures. He deserved no less for the torment he was putting those I cared about through.

_Wait...but I don't want to kill Kaiba! How could I even think that?_

I froze. My other self froze as well, eyes fixated on the ground, horror written across his features. Did he hear what I was thinking?

"Hey, Yuugi, are you alright?" Anzu asked, a concerned look on her face. Everyone else had stopped as well.

My other self didn't move. I could feel his thoughts frantically racing as fear spread through his mind.

"I-I don't know, Anzu," he whispered. "I think there's something wrong with me."

_No!_

"What're ya talkin' about, Yuug?" Jounochi stepped into view, his hand on my shoulder.

"I can't suppress it, this thing inside me..."

_Thing!? Is that all I am?_ I felt the walls of my mind's room tremble as his words cut at me. His arms shivered.

"Yuugi...what're ya saying?" Jounochi whispers. The fear has come for me, now. It's there in his voice as well. Fear.

"I...I have been hiding something from you all..." I felt the barrier between me and our body strengthen. He'd made his decision to tell them, and that slight strength had closed me off. _Please...no_. _My friends. They'll hate me. I'm not kind or soft-hearted like the other me. Don't tell them! Don't tell them about me, the monster in the dark. Please don't make them go!_

"It's like there's another me inside of me that I know nothing about." The empty darkness of my mind weighed down on me, choking me. I saw Jounochi's face; I read the surprise there, and the fear.

"Another...Yuugi?"

My other self wavered at this, uncertainty weakening him when he heard Jounochi's words. Unthinking, I threw myself at the wall between us. _Don't listen to him! Please don't go. I need you! HE needs you! Even if you are afraid of me, even if you hate me, you are the ones who granted his wish._

Our body sank to its knees, trembling with both our emotions. "Ever since I put together the puzzle...I've...been..."

They were afraid of me. I could see it. The darkness I dwelt in finally began to tear into me, ripping apart my soul. My mind was strong, yes, but my feelings were so fragile, fluttering through me, the shadowy claws of reality and thoughtless words piercing them, shredding them.

I screamed. This agony was more than I could take. I lashed out and felt the walls crumble, and I could tell he could hear me, his fear spiking as I screamed again. This time, however, I felt the scream in my throat. I gasped for air, realizing that I was suddenly in control of our body. I tried to scream again, falling to my hands and knees, but my mouth and throat were so raw it came out more as a choked whimper. The other me had been frightened into silence, and I could feel him watching, just as I had always done. Yes. He could finally see this monster that lived in his mind, the darkness his heart sheltered.

The stone floor was rough against my hands and knees. I didn't dare look up and see their faces. _My friends. _I wanted them to know about me, but I knew, I _knew_, they would hate me. I was everything my other self wasn't. He was so carefree, so blissfully naive and loving. I was not. I was wretched, selfish and sadistic. I was nothing. I was a _thing_. I was the shadow he cast on the ground on a bright day, and I deserved much less than that.

One of my friends shifted, and I felt a hand start to settle on my shoulder. I flinched as if struck, and the hand disappeared.

"Yuugi..." Anzu whispered.

I pushed myself off the ground and threw myself away from them. I couldn't bear it anymore, couldn't see them suffer because of my presence. If only I had been able to erase myself, to disappear. In despair, I realized that I was in a corner now. At least I didn't have to face them.

"Yuugi, you finally realized."

What was she saying? I couldn't think anymore...couldn't think. I opened my eyes and looked down at my hands, bleeding from the stone and my nails digging into my palms. Shivering, I let out a broken sob. They were going to run, now. They had to run away. _My friends. I have to protect them! They have to be safe, even from me!_

I turned. I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I may have thought to run, to scream at them again, but the look on Anzu's face stopped me. She was concerned, worried, but not afraid. I hesitated, and realized what she had just said.

"You saw me," I breathed, my mind still in too much chaos to really grasp what was happening.

A wavering smile appeared on her face. "You're the other Yuugi, aren't you?" she whispered. "You've saved my life, you know. More times than I can count. Thank you."

_She's...seen me...and she's..._I felt myself slipping back into the dark, my other self coming back in control. I struggled against him for a moment, wanting to give her some sort of response.

No such luck, however. Instead of my own words, whatever they would have been, my other self was speaking. "I was so afraid," he whimpered. "That you guys would leave if you found out."

Jounochi suddenly lunged for us, grabbing a fistful of our shirt. "Listen, Yuugi," he said. "We're your friends, ain't we? And friends don't just go abandoning each other. We'll stick with ya." He smirked. "And the other Yuugi."

I hurriedly retreated behind my wall. I never expected this. Did they really mean it? Perhaps it didn't matter, since they said they'd stick with Yuugi.

But what about me?


End file.
